To The Person Who Dislikes Me

Posted by Randomguru | Filed under Blog

To: The Person Who Dislikes Me

I must confess, that your calling me a “pathetic” loser, and telling me to get a real job instead of being a musician, kinda got to me.

Yes, admittedly (and although I don’t know you), I was hurt. I’m a sensitive person and you took the opportunity to kick me where it hurt.

Either you’ve really being reading my journal (and its archives) or you just might know me in real life.

I do know of a few people in the Redwood City area, and it just makes me wonder (always the case with anonymous hate mail) if you know me in real life that you can really get to the core of my pain and suffering. Yet, I’ve been very frank and open about certain feelings and insecurities I have. Though I may hide things from online readers, more than not, I write what’s on my mind and what I’m feeling. So, you just took what I wrote and used it against me.

So, you succeeded in hurting my feelings, yes. But that was not really your doing rather than my own personal insecurities. And, as a musician always striving for a perfect performance, I’m sometimes tortured by my inability to express myself to the fullest. Then again, I’m confident enough as a musician that I can play music at a certain level that allows me to communicate to an audience and enjoy myself in doing so.

deny from 67.180.208.92

Anyways, a simple line of code in the “.htaccess” file of my own journal site as well as that of Rice Bowl Journals will do the trick in completely denying you access to my world. So, I hope you are steaming at the fact that you can’t get to read what I have to say now… I hope, anyways.

I have this to say to you. You are a totally insecure person to have to resort to bullying others in an attempt to take them down a notch. You are a total asshole. Why? Because a decent, good person wouldn’t do what you’ve done. I feel sorry for you because you are projecting the fact that you are probably more insecure about your own self, and must look for fault in others to make yourself feel better.

It’s not like I get the same flack in real life, because I do. I’m a good musician and I work toward being an artist in my own right. Though I’m a struggling musician and I’ve never gotten support from family, I hold my own and make a decent living out of it. It’s something I felt I had a talent for from a very young age. Music was something that came very natural to me and I feel it’s the only thing I can do best in this life. So, no matter what, I will always be a musician.

Once, I totally and completely quit music and studied computers for four years (ironically, at the urging of family members to get a “real job”). Then one day a good friend brought me back to it and I found that I had been missing a major part of my life. I’ll never quit music again. And I understand that playing the piano or drums is a basic need that I must do.

So, in the end, you have simply made me acknowledge that I must continue with Music even more. And in the end, your negative comments have actually made me stronger and more commited than ever.

sincerely,
randomguru



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Comments (View Comments) | April 7th, 2005

  • thanks, everyone!!!
  • haha, i'm glad some good came out of something bad then. ;P
  • randomguru
    hi slurpee! i sorta "broke" the other one, so i just grabbed a new "theme" somewheres... thanks.

    sophia. thank you and happy birthday!
  • diggin the new look. ;P
  • Hey Carlos, I'm sorry that someone is so jealous and insecure and bored with their own life that they want to say a few nasty things to mess with yours.

    I would completely ignore it. Because you know you are a better musician and person that this person could ever hope to be.
  • Carlos, just wanted to say I have the utmost respect for what you do, and how you live life. It's something for me to strive towards.

    I seriously believe this world needs more individuals such as yourself.

    rock on
  • randomguru
    thanks, annie! (((hug))) :o)
  • carlosssssssssssss
    i still can't believe that... gah.
    but i thought i'd give you another *HUGSSSSSS*
  • randomguru
    yeah! "poop on that ip address!" :)

    ...and blessings to all who've graced this site with your kind gently kindness...
  • sometimes its just puzzling how someone out there managed to hurt our feelings despite how we much we try to cover it up. do they not feel hurt personally if they were to be in (our) shoe. it just makes me wonder. it really do.

    you take care friend. we're all around.

    - hugs
  • poop on that ip address! hehe. *hugssssssss*
  • i feel sorry for those who are angry, insecure and who have nothing better to do than spread negative comments. i got my first mean one recently too. hehe.

    don't let his/her words get to you, don't give him/her that satisfaction. but you have dealt with it gracefully and honestly, and for that, it is very admirable. :)

    btw, i love some of the new features of rbj. especially your access access "hot topics" of the forums and profile pages. you do what you love...programming/designing rbj, playing music, raising a family, among your many hats...i'm sure s/he's just a kid who is so insecure that s/he has to push someone else down to feel better. very sad indeed.
  • randomguru
    thanks for the moral support, folks!

    the deny ip address should work, unless his/her cable modem access re-freshes to new ip address, which can happen.

    i'll be ready to deny that one too, unless this person has changed his evil ways. ;)
  • btw, i'm glad the htaccess worked out :P (hopefully)
  • well, it seems to me that "67.180.208.92" has succeeded in only making himself into 10 numbers without a name...something indicative of his character perhaps ...

    personal attacks do hurt, and perhaps even more so when they are in a journal, a sanctuary of sorts ... i'm glad that you are strong enough to know that what you are doing helps the world get through each day, one note at a time ...

    what "annie" said i agree with, music helps the world turn ... those days when you feel like crap, those days when you feel great, and those days that are "just another day" ... music pushes life onwards ...

    and your contributions in both writing and music are part of all that! :)
  • Wow, I can't believe someone had the nerve to tell you how pathetic you are and that you needed to get a real job. Surely he or she is the one who's feeling insecure about their own lives and just need to take it out on someone else. Hopefully it won't bother you anymore, and as you said, it only made you stronger.

    I always admire people who follow their passion and make a living out of it. It just seems like something everybody should do if they want to live a fulfilled life. Be it music, art, photography, writing... If you have a gift in any of these related fields, then I try to encourage people as much as possible to pursue this even more instead of studying economics or business or law for that matter. I don't know you at all, but hopefully you will be glad and thankful for choosing for your passion instead of computers. The only thing that I can do is just admire, encourage and support them in any way I can, i.e. go to my friends' gigs, etc.

    Oh btw, RBJ is such a great initiative, so thanks for that!
  • Dear Carlos, you did the right thing to deny whoever that was access to your site. that person isn't worthy to read your words if he can't keep his own insecurity to himself.

    you are inspirational, Carlos, and you must never stop being a musician/artist! i love, love, LOVE art (painting to be more specific), but i didn't go into it as a profession due to lack of support from everyone from my family. Now i am in the private consulting field dealing with government offcials day in and day out. It's a steady job, and now i have support from others, but sometimes i can't help to wonder... did i give up my most innate ability?

    just wanna share my experience with you, and hope it cheered you up a bit. you are a strong and talented person who's blessed to be able to do what you are passionate about, and whoever 67.180.208.92 is must be very envious, that's all.
  • shy
    he/she was still harrassing you, carlos?
  • Some people are insecure, others are simply cowards. Anonymity seems to give license to these people, and use it like a three year old with a squirt-gun: reckelessly and irresponsibly. I'm sure that something like this will not affecdt you too much, but it still doesn't prevent the sense of betrayal. Someone who reads my site posted on a public site how I would take money for grades. Can you believe that?!? Now that REALLY hurt. It may have been a joke, but the sense of betrayal was palpable, never mind my real concerns for my career.

    Anyway, peace Bro'. I'm glad you gave us RBJ...
  • randomguru
    thanks, annie! your kind words truly soothe my sometimes melancholy soul. :)

    your an inspiration to me too...
  • dear carlos
    *hugs* without music the world would die... music is the soul of every person. whether they know it or not. dont' give the time or day to people that don't appreciate or respect the fact that you do what you love... and that... i admire you for. :-D from one musician to another... rock on!!!
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