son: dad! these meatballs taste like cardboard!

dad: dude! those are my vegetarian meatballs!

. . . .

I’ve been buying these little top 10 books, for the “European Trip” in August… one each for London, Paris, Venice, Tuscany and Rome, so….

This top 10 idea was taken from Annie, per her request, of course:

Top Ten List

10 songs you’ve been listening a lot to lately:

1. legacy - ryan farish
2. wave of sand - kitaro
3. across the view - richard burmer
4. rachmaninoff - symphony no. 2, 3rd movement
5. bach invention no. 8 in f major - glenn gould - piano
6. shostakovich - symphony no. 10, 1st movement
7. hourglass, part 2 - keith jarrett
8. vulcan worlds - return to forever
9. illumination of the heart - deuter
10. bicycle chase from e.t. - john williams

9 things you look forward to:

1. the long awaited trip to europe this summer
2. finally getting my CD project done
3. my next gig
4. doing some fishing
5. yoga
6. having lunch or dinner at jyoti bihanga
7. recording some music
8. my next drum solo
9. swimming

8 things you like to wear:

1. yoga pants
2. sleeveless shirts
3. swimming goggles
4. gendarme cologne
5. a nice suit or tuxedo
6. indian clothing
7. board shorts
8. sandals

7 things that annoy you:

1. people who are late
2. crazy drivers
3. rude people
4. rabbits eating my grass (my backyard has no fence)
5. a room that looks like a tornado hit it
6. handwritten music notation that is difficult to read!!! at a gig!!!
7. poor customer service

6 things you say most days:

1. make mocha?
2. dude!
3. awesome!
4. hun’s
5. whoa!
6. um, yeah

5 things you do everyday:

1. hack into cyberspace ;)
2. practice piano
3. listen to music
4. meditate or do yoga
5. prepare and eat a vegetarian (vegan) meal

4 people you want to spend more time with:

1. my wife (and kids)
2. sis-in-law and her family in santa barbara
3. online best friends
4. any of the musicians i usually gig with

3 movies you could watch over and over again:

1. the matrix (there is no spoon!)
2. sense and sensibility (awesome jane austen adaptation)
3. garden state (i can relate)

2 of your favorite songs at the moment:

1. legacy - ryan farish (it’s that addictive)
2. koln concert, movement 3 - keith jarrett (all-time classic)

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:

1. yes, my wife, naturally :)

For me, it’s been in small bookstores that I’d seen major changes occur in my life.

The first was when my wife (then girlfriend) and I had a chance encounter. A year before that, we both decided to go our separate ways and see how life would go without each other. It was only after randomly meeting each other in a small bookstore that we somehow rekindled our love, and that chance moment… that chance encounter made us realize we truly shared these mutual feelings.

. . . .

Yesterday, after I had picked up my computer from the repair shop in North Park, I somehow felt the need to walk around the corner to see if this small bookstore was still there.

Many years before, I had lived in North Park with my wife in a cottage house a few blocks away. We would drive past a small bookstore called The Controversial Bookstore many times. And for some odd reason I would always remember the store but never had the urge to stop and go inside and take a look.

So, yesterday I had my backpack with my laptop inside, and I hiked a block-and-a-half and wisked around the corner to see if the bookstore was still there. I had this feeling that it might have been closed down long ago, but to my surprise it was still there!

I walked inside and the aroma of incense and the sound of new age music caught my senses. Immediately I felt a sense of closure. I guess I had had a deeper desire to visit this store but for some reason never went. And now I did and I think it wasn’t so much the store itself that gave me peace, but the sudden fact that it served as a metaphor for my life… a safe haven I had been avoiding for so long… a resting place in which I could cast away all the things that had been plaguing me for as long as I can remember.

I looked around and found many books on Eastern Philosophy, Western Philosophy, i found versions of The Bible, Indian books on The Bhagavad-Gita, The Upanishads, then stumbled upon a small hard-cover version of The Dhammapada, the sayings of The Buddha.

I leafed through the book randomly and some words caught my eye…

love yourself and watch—
today, tomorrow, always

And I felt a sudden sense of sadness and joy… sadness because I had secretly hated myself for so long… and joy because I had somehow come to a point in my life where I could find peace and accept myself for who I am.

I walked into a corner of the bookstore and just wanted to cry, I was beside myself. And I continued leafing through The Dhammapada and came across these words…

We are
what we think

all that we are
arises from our thoughts

with our thoughts
we make the world

speak or act with a pure mind
and happiness will follow you
as your shadow, unshakable.

Such simple words, yet full of meaning.

I ended up buying the book with the money I received the day before on Father’s Day. And I bought some incense too… amber and rose. And I somehow left that little bookstore with a new outlook on life… with a better perspective, not just from the words of The Buddha, but because I had somehow found closure within myself… a better acceptance of who I am…

maybe, a bit more “enlightened” than I was before I came in.

My laptop’s fixed… yes! Cost: $318.00

Not bad… other recent expenses:

Roof repair (from the rains) - $800
Broken water heater - $814
Car repair - $1200

Well, at least the computer repair cost wasn’t too bad.

To Aein: Thank you so much for mentioning me. Thank you for your friendship.

I’ve been doing a lot of projects in “real life”. One is cleaning the garage, throwing out junk, and marking some for sale. The garage is look really spiffy now, with tons of space! Now, I can set up my recording studio again and still have room for the foosball table we just bought.

But, my computer was supposed to be ready today… the guy at the computer repair place said so, but supposedly the part that came was the wrong one and they’re trying to get the manufacturer to send the correct part via overnight air.

I got a pretty good deal at Target. I bought “Garden State” for $10.00 (on sale). It’s now one of my favorite movies. And that brings up the title for this entry, which was taken from the movie… well, actually the part about the ellipsis, when Largeman tells Samantha that he’ll be back (as he’s getting ready to leave at the airport), and that his departure is just an “ellipsis”, and not a “period” to their relationship.

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to take a brief hiatus, an ellipsis… until I get some things finished in my real world. And just take a break from RBJ and this journal…

I’m seriously wanting to cry right now….

I’ve had my share of problems in recent months. We all go through these things, I presume.

But, to have my laptop (which I am so utterly dependent upon) break DOWN … then my DVD player break DOWN … and then my CAR STEREO break DOWN , all in the span of 24 hours!!!! *sigh* I’m seriously feeling quite DOWN right now!

. . . .

And now my Espresso Machine is messing up on me!!! :(

I had a very nice Yoga routine this morning and felt like I was at bliss for 90 minutes…

Then, after sitting down in front of my laptop to surf the web and check e-mail, I find out that it’s broken! The display doesn’t light up any more!

Oh woe is me, this is serious! :(