just stay home

June 2, 2005 by randomguru

I don’t know what’s wrong with me… I want to cry, and there is this persistent aching in my heart, as if I am heartbroken, but I shouldn’t be.

Tomorrow is the TV show, and all I can think of is just… not going. But it’s too late, I’m commited.

I just want to go there, get it over with, and then go back to the comfort of my home. I guess I’m just not in the mood to be on TV, regardless if it means publicity or not. What does that actually mean? What does it prove?

Maybe I’m just suffering some post-depression because of the demanding gigs last weekend?

All I know is that I’m feeling lost and alone. And it’s been a busy couple of days that I didn’t have time to practice piano and withdraw into my own musical world.

Things seemed so down and glum tonight. And my usual routine is all messed up. How do I pick up the pieces and get back into the old routine?

I just want to stay home and hide from the world… at least for a little while longer. Just a little while longer…… until I get my bearings again… and my emotional compass is pointing in the right direction.

Filed under: Musings
Tagged: Musings

Comments

6 Responses to “just stay home”

Key on June 3rd, 2005 6:58 am

I think this is normal and everybody goes through this once in a while. It may not have to do with anything in particular. We’re all allowed our “off” days. Treat yourself to things that relax & pamper you.
pat on June 3rd, 2005 12:27 pm

We’re all behind you Carlos. Close the drapes, turn off the lights and close your eyes for an hour or so, if you can spare the time, and relax. Wish I was there to give you a “man hug”!!
Shiz on June 3rd, 2005 5:03 pm

I completely understand. Sometimes I’ll go through periods where I just don’t want to see another human being… and I’m considered to be pretty “social”… and it always happens that those are the days I have an important meeting or another scheduled. Just try to make the most of what time you can stay at home, and maybe treat yourself to an extra cup of something yummy at starbucks as a treat for going out… :)
tyler on June 5th, 2005 9:45 am

there’s nothing wrong with you … you are alive :) perhaps stress and anxiety? i know what that’s like >_
tyler on June 5th, 2005 9:46 am

gar … something happened to my comment … anyway, was just saying hope you feel better :)
annie on June 5th, 2005 12:35 pm

it’s your body’s way of telling you to rest.. or you’ll get sick. carlos, i think you work too hard and i think you need some time where you can rest! do some yoga, drink some tea and sleep a bit. i’ve been feeling the same way lately… but i try to keep myself happy by watching funny movies and talking to those i love.

do you eat ice cream? eat some ice cream! in my case my favorite dessert is yogurt and frozen blueberries. that always cheers me up. try it! feel better carlos! i’m thinking of ya, sending you happy thoughts!