in my mind's zen garden

the bookstore

For me, it’s been in small bookstores that I’d seen major changes occur in my life.

The first was when my wife (then girlfriend) and I had a chance encounter. A year before that, we both decided to go our separate ways and see how life would go without each other. It was only after randomly meeting each other in a small bookstore that we somehow rekindled our love, and that chance moment… that chance encounter made us realize we truly shared these mutual feelings.

. . . .

Yesterday, after I had picked up my computer from the repair shop in North Park, I somehow felt the need to walk around the corner to see if this small bookstore was still there.

Many years before, I had lived in North Park with my wife in a cottage house a few blocks away. We would drive past a small bookstore called The Controversial Bookstore many times. And for some odd reason I would always remember the store but never had the urge to stop and go inside and take a look.

So, yesterday I had my backpack with my laptop inside, and I hiked a block-and-a-half and wisked around the corner to see if the bookstore was still there. I had this feeling that it might have been closed down long ago, but to my surprise it was still there!

I walked inside and the aroma of incense and the sound of new age music caught my senses. Immediately I felt a sense of closure. I guess I had had a deeper desire to visit this store but for some reason never went. And now I did and I think it wasn’t so much the store itself that gave me peace, but the sudden fact that it served as a metaphor for my life… a safe haven I had been avoiding for so long… a resting place in which I could cast away all the things that had been plaguing me for as long as I can remember.

I looked around and found many books on Eastern Philosophy, Western Philosophy, i found versions of The Bible, Indian books on The Bhagavad-Gita, The Upanishads, then stumbled upon a small hard-cover version of The Dhammapada, the sayings of The Buddha.

I leafed through the book randomly and some words caught my eye…

love yourself and watch—
today, tomorrow, always

And I felt a sudden sense of sadness and joy… sadness because I had secretly hated myself for so long… and joy because I had somehow come to a point in my life where I could find peace and accept myself for who I am.

I walked into a corner of the bookstore and just wanted to cry, I was beside myself. And I continued leafing through The Dhammapada and came across these words…

We are
what we think

all that we are
arises from our thoughts

with our thoughts
we make the world

speak or act with a pure mind
and happiness will follow you
as your shadow, unshakable.

Such simple words, yet full of meaning.

I ended up buying the book with the money I received the day before on Father’s Day. And I bought some incense too… amber and rose. And I somehow left that little bookstore with a new outlook on life… with a better perspective, not just from the words of The Buddha, but because I had somehow found closure within myself… a better acceptance of who I am…

maybe, a bit more “enlightened” than I was before I came in.

Posted by Randomguru | Comments (View Comments)

Tags: Zen Musings