An Ocean of Acceptance
Share June 27, 2010 | The Lost Archives
Originally Posted:
Friday ~ August 02, 2002
“…the wave and the sea are one…”
—a zen koan
Three weekends ago the family was in Santa Barbara, spending a long weekend up there to relax and hang out with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law and my two nieces.
I spent much of the time swimming laps at the UC Santa Barbara pool.
But on one of those days we went to the ocean to sunbathe and catch some waves.
Other than doing a bit of body surfing and boogie-boarding, I’ve never ventured off beyond the waves… not since I almost drowned when I was 18.
So, I was determined to swim out to the buoys, a point that was an easy 100 yards or so, possibly more…
My nieces, who are both excellent swimmers (ages 13 and 19) wanted to come along with me… the younger one sort of egged me on about swimming out to the buoys and back… I didn’t want to swim that far. I just want to get passed the waves… but I said, “what the heck… let’s do it!”
“…the way to build self-confidence is to start doing things you’re not sure you can do…”
—das energi
We were at this beach called “Butterfly Beach”. The waves weren’t that high and there didn’t seem to be any potential signs of “rip currents”… We were taking a bit of a risk in a sense, being that there were no lifeguards at this particular beach.
In other words… “swim at your own risk!!!”
Once past the point where the waves crashed, my two nieces, my oldest son and I swam out to a point that was midway between the shore and the buoys…
The ocean at that point was pretty choppy, with large crests forming hills of water that left us in its valleys…
My son was afraid to go any further. And I didn’t pressure him. I told him that if he wanted to, he could just stay behind, tread water where he was and watch us.
My two nieces and I swam out to the first buoy. The waves were tossing us about and naturally I was a bit nervous. At one point I felt a large cold mass… a current of water that was pulling me further out to sea. I didn’t fight it. I let the water carry me out a little while… and I just flowed with that current a little until it subsided.
At the first buoy we hung out, just treading water and talking…. It actually felt so great out there… treading water and just bobbing along like the buoy! I swam up to touch the buoy, which was bobbing up and down pretty vigorously, and I was careful not to let the rusted parts cut my hands.
Then, we swam out to the second buoy which was another 50 yards or so away. I waved to my son who was still treading water halfway between us and the shore. I was sure he could’ve handled going out to where we were. But I didn’t want to push him. Next time I’m sure he’d be ready…
It just wasn’t his time.
When my two nieces and I reached the second buoy, I was feeling a bit tired by then. I consider myself a good swimmer and all, but just being out in that choppy ocean water like that would eventually wear down any decent swimmer.
So, we just hung out by that second buoy for a while, watching the boats on the other side of the buoys passing us by.
After a while we were all ready to swim back to shore. So, we all started semi-sprinting back to the beach… doing freestyle, which was a bit hard because once-in-a-while I would get sea water in my mouth when I’d turn to catch some air… just something you have to adjust to when swimming out in the ocean.
Once we got to the point where the waves crashed, I caught a decent wave and rode it almost to shore.. actually, about to knee-deep water… and then we dragged our now tired bodies back to our beach blankets and rested for a while…
Interesting, when you’re someone who had almost drowned out in the ocean, you never forget the experience. Whenever I go to the ocean it’s as if I see this big beast… a beast that had almost devoured me once. I’ve had both a fear and respect for the ocean ever since that day.
This time, I seemed to have tamed this huge beast… or maybe it tamed me. Maybe I am simply getting used to its ways… knowing its power and what it can do if I am not prepared. This time it had spared me. Once it could’ve taken me away if someone didn’t intervene and save me…
Maybe I have finally found a certain closure with the sea. I don’t know what clinical term they call it when you have a “fear of the ocean”… oceanaphobia, perhaps?
Either way, I think I’m overcoming that fear in a big way!
Posted by Randomguru | Comments (View Comments)
Carlos (a.k.a Randomguru) is a working musician, web developer and web publisher living in San Diego, California.