In My Mind’s Zen Garden

At the gig last Saturday, I saw a fellow musician whom I hadn’t seen in a long time. And I mentioned to a fellow band colleague how i didn’t recognize him because he seemed so much older. And he mentioned that I was older too. And sure, we may joke about it but it really depresses me that I’m 50 now. Like, when I was 18 I had all this time ahead of me, and now the days are numbered.

This all reminded me of the time I stepped into my wife’s office and i was chatting with one of her co-workers and I guess I give off that vibe that I feel younger, yet she reminded me that I’m a middle-aged man. Was she trying to stiffle my youthful persona?

I tend to think (and feel) that I am younger than my age. In the past, people always have been amazed how young i look for my age. The Colonel of my son’s Jr. ROTC Unit was amazed just months ago at how young I look for someone who just turned 50.

I think my age may be catching up with me. I don’t feel so young nowadays. And, I get very depressed about my age. Hitting 50 is a big milestone in one’s life. For you younger folks, well… you won’t know until you actually reach 50 what that will feel like. It’s like being a Dad… i never knew what that would feel like until it actually happened. I had always thought that it’s all in the mind, how one feels age-wise… and I still believe that. But, there’s also a part of me that realizes the inevitable… that the human body ages and grows old… and unless one has been blessed with perfect health in their old age, sickness and chronic illnesses will follow and eventually… our demise.

Perhaps I’m going through my real mid-life crisis now, the one I thought I went through in my 40s.

Still, I am a person of hope. And that you reap what you sow, and doing all those things, be it yoga, eating and drinking super-healthy foods, meditation, and keeping active, CAN help maintain a healthy body, mind and soul. And the more I think about it, if you don’t have your health… well, it just makes living all the more harder.

But, I will try my best to continue to keep thinking young at heart. I think that if you let yourself get categorized by your age, and let society judge how you are because of your age, then you’ve already lost the battle at keeping that youthful attitude.

I just have to keep thinking that ‘eternal youth’ is in the mind. You are what you think you are… no matter what others might say. It’s all in the mind. Think young and you are….

The Philippines was a very surreal experience for me. A culture shock. An assault on the senses. It felt like a long lost home, yet at the same time I felt like a stranger in my own country.

It seemed like I saw these banners everywhere… “Pilipinas kong Mahal!” My beloved Philippines.

This is just one view of many photos I’d taken of the roads while traveling through the provinces of Luzon.

We ate lunch at a popular Seafood Restaurant called “Silverio’s”. There were these banners in the parking lot that caught my eye.

The climate in Baguio was cool enough that I was actually feeling cold and I didn’t bring a jacket. Here is a typical view of pine trees in the outskirts of Baguio City.

We stopped at a beach resort called “The Sea of Dreams” in the town of Caba, in the province of La Union. I took several photos of the sunset here. I took tons of photos during the trip, but I’ll share a few favorites in the next few days.

I’m still reeling over my experiences in the Philippines… which ran the full spectrum of human emotions… from sadness and tragedy to retrospection and elation… a mixture of emotions that will definitely stay with me for the rest of my days.

This entry is dedicated to my father-in-law… who passed on from complications after a long illness. He was 86.

He was a great man who achieved so many things in his lifetime. He was a kind man… diplomatic, caring, giving. He helped put many young nephews and nieces through college. He helped out many relatives financially.

A mechanical engineer who worked in Saudi Arabia, Vietnam, South Korea, The Philippines and the U.S., he formed his own contracting business and retired early at age 50. I have always admired him and still do. He will greatly be missed.

This is one of my favorite photos of my beloved parents-in-law. Clement and Angelita Roman, sitting at my piano and very happy. My mother-in-law passed away back in 1989 from breast cancer.

And here is a photo of my father-in-law with his first grandchild, Diana. She is now graduated from UC Berkeley and working in San Francisco as an architect.

I prefer to imagine that he has just gone on one of his trips to Saudi Arabia, or Korea… and that we’ll just see him once again at another time and place. God bless you and rest in peace, dear Papa Clem…

Bon Voyage… until next time…