This morning I was surprised to find the patient lying awake in his bed, and smiling. Then, he rose by himself and was able to walk to the bathroom, and was able to walk back to bed. This was a dramatic change from last night.

My wife and I had to wake up twice in the middle of the night to help the patient get to the bathroom. He was the weakest I’d ever seen him, and we practically had to carry him and he kept grabbing on to handles and things instinctively for support. We had to constantly tell him to let go as we could carry him.

Despite the lack of sleep, I felt pretty good this morning. The patient looked good too. And I gave him his morning meds with a cup of warm milk and he also wanted a cup of water. We watched the McCain speech together on CNN. In his previous location he didn’t have a TV or music player of any kind. But the patient loves to watch CNN and other News channels to keep abreast of all the latest news and developments on the presidential election campaign. Most of all, he enjoys when someone else watches with him. So, typically I’ll watch with him until he falls asleep.

And once again, as chipper and awake as he looked a little while ago, he soon fell asleep. And right now he sleeps more than he is awake throughout the course of the day. I guess for a terminally ill cancer patient, he needs as much rest and sleep as possible. Many times it’s very peaceful here in my home. And I have some very soothing music going on, and some aroma therapy oils permeating the air. When I practice piano I try to play very soothing, soft music if the patient is asleep. Again, it doesn’t seem to wake him, but I believe that at a subliminal, subconscious level perhaps it is good.

I just received a letter from the IRS, and I must confess that I dread receiving mail of any kind from the IRS, if you know what I mean. So, this time it turned out to be a special message from the IRS about the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008 in which Americans will receive a check for a certain amount, depending on whether you’re married or not, and whether or not you have children.

The Economic Stimulus Act of 2008

Starting in May, the Treasury will begin sending economic stimulus payments to more than 130 million households. To receive a payment, taxpayers must have a valid Social Security number, $3,000 of income and file a 2007 federal tax return. IRS will take care of the rest. Eligible people will receive up to $600 ($1,200 for married couples), and parents will receive an additional $300 for each eligible child younger than 17.

Okay, I think this is a fine idea. Though, it’s a bit of a shame that our government has to send Americans checks so that they can spend them and help boost the floundering economy.

People are losing their homes because of the mortgage crisis. The price of gasoline continues to rise toward $4.00 a gallon. And everyone I know is striving to live more frugally, and trying to save money. Well, if you’re fortunate enough to be rich, and vacations and world travel are not a problem… they yes, consider yourself fortunate, and spend more so that you can help boost the floundering economy.

But for those of us who are struggling… the current economic problems are a harsh reality. I’m not afraid to say that I’ve always been struggling my whole life.

Yet, I’m an optimist. Somehow, I’ve always gotten by. And the economy always bounces back. But, as I grow older and wiser, I DO embrace living more frugally, and not get caught up in all that consumerist activity. I mean, I don’t need the latest car or the latest gadget or the newest computer… if money weren’t an issue then sure, no problem. But, as I get older, I’m learning to get by on less…

…less is more.

This morning the patient took all his meds. And in addition he took the vitamin/mineral supplement too. And then, after telling him he needed to eat so he can get strong again and fly back to the Philippines, he ate a small piece of dark chocolate, and then some oatmeal with boiled egg and one and a half cups of warm milk.

This was a major breakthrough from yesterday, when he basically ate nothing… only a little bit of warm milk to wash down his meds. So, I’m very happy that he ate pretty substantially this morning. I was about ready to spoon feed him at this point. I don’t care if he’s terminal or not, if he wants to be strong he needs to eat. I don’t want him to die of starvation before the pancreatic cancer gets him. So, my mission is to make sure he eats, and eats well…

Right now the patient is watching CNN. He loves CNN. And it keeps his mental attention going. I’m trying not to let him just sleep all day. And, we’ll see about getting him some sleeping pills so he can sleep through the night and be more rested. And that will help us sleep through the night too.

The patient woke me up around 3:30am. Looking across the room I noticed he was sitting in his bed, then he’d lie down, then he’d sit, then he’d lie down. While he was sitting it appeared he was eating some of the food that had been on his table, left over from a late attempt at dinner. Then he spit something into the trash can next to him.

I asked him if he needed help going to the bathroom and he said, “yes”. He seemed to really struggle and I wasn’t sure if it was pain or if he was just sleepy. But he was slow in getting to the bathroom.

While he was in the bathroom I asked if he needed help and he said he was okay. I kept checking, and I was really sleepy. At one point I checked the time and he’d been in there for an hour and a half! I asked him to open the door and when he did he was sitting on the floor and couldn’t get up? Apparently, he’d been cleaning the bathroom, toilet bowl and sink with a disinfectant spray. I thought this rather bizarre but I guess it made sense, since he’s the kind of guy who always want to help.

Anyway, being up from 3:00am to 4:30am messed up my sleeping pattern, and it didn’t help that I had to take my nephew to school this morning. So, now I’m feeling groggy but now I have to take my son to his doctor’s appointment in an hour.

Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.
~Oprah Winfrey

From here on I’ll simply refer to my terminally ill elderly family member as “the patient”. I think it’s easier that way. Though I’m not a doctor or a nurse… simply just a voluntary caregiver who is simply trying to make the patient feel as comfortable as possible during his stay here.

So, the patient enjoyed time spent out in the garden, drinking warm milk, reading a bit, then arranging himself on a lounge chair and using another chair to prop up his legs. He was enjoying the warmth of the late afternoon sun, before falling asleep. After waking up and walking inside, and using the bathroom, he ended up falling asleep again in his bed.

Earlier my wife gave him a bath upstairs and he seemed to feel very refreshed and renewed.

But toward the evening he was asleep and woke up later in the evening and that’s when we gave him warm milk again with his night time meds. We also tried to give him dinner, which consisted of a small bowl of yakisoba noodles, a few slices of banana, and some mango. I’m very worried because he really didn’t eat anything, except for the warm milk and the medications. Even the glass of warm milk wasn’t entirely consumed, just enough to get the medicine down.

He said he was feeling stronger today and that he felt much better staying at our house. He wants to get stronger so that he can fly back to the Philippines to see his family there. Tonight his spirits are high and he felt really good.

While he was asleep in the early evening, I practiced piano. It doesn’t wake him up and he continues to sleep. But, I’m hoping that the sounds would soothe him on a subconscious level.

After taking his meds and warm milk he fell asleep again. And he’s still asleep as I write this. In a bit I’ll have to stay with him and sleep on the couch, which is in the same room across from his bed, just in case he wakes up in the middle of the night and needs assistance.

I know he’s terminally ill, but a part of me has hope. And the more I think about it, the more I feel that life should be handled one day at a time. Sure, it’s the plans and future goals that keep us going. So, doctors might give you 6 months to live, but you can’t lose hope. Or else you might as well end it here and now. If you can do one thing to live for just one more day, then wouldn’t that be worth it? If you could do something to extend your life for another month, wouldn’t that be worth it? I think so.

Today, he hasn’t been eating much. For breakfast he actually took a couple of sips of watermelon juice, and drank his medication (morphine, reglan and senna) with warm milk.

By mid-morning he took another morphine (fast acting), ate a few pieces of banana and then slept for the rest of the morning.

I gave him another reglan for lunch and he drank more warm milk, a few bananas and didn’t touch his mango.
He complained about lower back pain and soreness. And I rub some extra-strength BenGay and massaged it in. He really like this a lot because it eased the pain and soreness.

By lunch time my sister-in-law came to help. He took another fast acting morphine with warm milk. Maybe ate 1 or 2 banana slices. Then I gave him another lower back massage, rubbing in the BenGay. This helped out a lot.

There’ll be a nurse come by to visit at 1:30pm to check on him. And then we’ll help him take a shower and get cleaned up.